I wish I could go back in time and sit next to Mother Mary during those first century Masses in Ephesus. The Acts of the Apostles tells us that the first Christian communities “remained faithful to the teaching of the apostles, to the brotherhood, to the breaking of bread and to the prayers. (Acts 2:42)” For sure the Mother of all Christians was there with them at that Breaking of the Bread. But what was Mary’s Mass like?
She wasn’t a priest. This role was entrusted to her adopted sons, the apostles. She must have yearned to go up and cradle him in her arms as she had done when he was a child, but he was in the hands of another now. There she was, our humble Mother, hidden in the gathering of believers around the priest.
Contemplating Mary “from the Pew”
She looks on with the unbroken gaze of the ocean-deep eyes of the Mother. The priest, St John, the Beloved Disciple, who took her into his own at the foot of the cross, lifts up the consecrated host. She closes her eyes firmly and inclines her head with deep emotion. What is she thinking? What does she feel? She remembers her Son in that same position, arms raised as he elevated the host on that fateful night in the upper room. Everything comes back: the arrest, the blows, the spitting, the mockery, and the lies. She feels again the scourges and the thorns. Her knees fail her as she sees him fall again. She wants to run up and catch him, but no. This time he is in the hands of the priest. The shock of the nails burns through her entire body again. She feels it all again: the anguish, asphyxiation, and abandonment; the mocking, darkness, and nakedness! She relives it all because it is all relived before her on the altar.
But then she serenely smiles, eyes still closed. What is it now, Mother? Does that first cry of the newborn ring through your heart like a symphony once again? Do you remember those many years watching your baby sleep, his first word, his favorite lullaby? All those years of silence come back to her. She relives it all. Yes, because it is all relived before her on the altar.
Then the moment comes. “The Body of Christ!” Mary’s Communion is a new Annunciation, a new Incarnation. She receives Jesus into her body and soul once again. Here is the flesh of her flesh, joined to her flesh in Communion. The angels must marvel to see this tearfully deep union of Mother and Son. Time ceases. He re-enters her womb. So many years together on earth! So much suffering together for the Redemption of all! So much painful separation! Her eyes are closed. Now she has him again! “Here I am, my Son. Mother is here!”
What do you say in that moment, Mother? Do you tell him how much you miss him, how hard it is to live without him? Do you rock him gently and sing a new lullaby? Do you ask him what is in his heart? Do you pray for the needs of your adopted children: St John and Mary Magdalene? Do you pray for me? Or do you simply smile, look into his eyes, and remember?
God only knows what went on in that Mother’s heart during Mass: Bethlehem, Calvary, and empty tomb anew. The Mass was not a dry ritual for Mary. It was a real, living encounter with her Son. Do we live the Mass like Mary? In this moment where eternal heaven is wedded to earth, she re-experienced his entire redeeming life— a life she saw and understood as no one else— because it was all relived before her on the altar!
