I believed and still believe that the most important thing to do is God’s will – what He wants in my life. I used to think, though, that it didn’t matter at all how I felt about what God asked me – no matter how miserable it could make me I would have to suck it up and do it.
There was one day when I was struggling to do something I felt God was asking me to do. I remember going to a chapel and kneeling before Jesus in the Eucharist and telling him, “Lord, who cares if this is going to be hell for me? What matters is that I do what you want.” In the silence of my heart I sensed Jesus’ answer to my question, “Who cares?”
“I do,” he told me.
I realized in that moment that my self-depreciating approach to God’s will for me was an insult to his goodness and love.
God’s will and my fulfillment are the same. He is a good and loving God who wants what will make me the most happy. That is his will. His will for me is never hell. If he asks me to sacrifice it is because he sees that it will lead to the insurmountable depths of fulfillment that only he knows I can find.
This understanding of who God is has deepened my relationship with him and broadened my vision of his will. Instead of thinking I need to suck it up and do it, I seek how I can encounter his loving hand even in the midst of trials and struggles.