Q: Dear Father John, I have recently returned to St. Theresa of Avila’s autobiography, having only gotten through a third of it last year. It is easier to read now. I have an idea of where I am spiritually according to her book and will discuss this with my Redemptorist spiritual director. But I have a question. What I am seeking is: What is written for married women that is of the value of St. Teresa’s book about spiritual growth? I can’t see how a married woman can progress to the third (and further) stages when her vocation is to her husband. It’s not that God is taking me further, at this point, but I also do not want to stall myself.
The question above was posed to Fr. John Bartunek LC on the wonderful website RCSpiritualdirection.org. Father solicited some input from his readers on this, so here is mine. No offense to St. Theresa of Avila, but I don’t think she provides the best advice to answer this author’s question. This great Doctor of the Church offers wonderful insights into the heights a soul can reach in prayer, if God so permits. But on such a question as this one, I would recommend the wisdom from Blessed John Paul II. I cannot claim to have a saint’s level of holiness by any means, but I can say I certainly have progressed in my journey after discovering his catechesis Theology of the Body, as well as his other writings. Following the lead of our great late pope, I suggest she meditate in prayer on Ephesians 5, specifically the verses 21 to 33.
Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her, to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So [also] husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. For this reason a man shall leave [his] father and [his] mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church. In any case, each one of you should love his wife as himself, and the wife should respect her husband.
John Paul II called this scripture passage a “Summa” of the Gospels. I know I have learned a great deal about the meaning of marriage contemplating this passage, in which St. Paul tells us how human marriage relates the relationship of Christ to His Church. Contemplating the beautiful description of Christ as the head of His body, the Church, I have learned better how to relate to my husband, who represents Christ, and he to me, who represents the Church. I cannot live my spiritual vocation without him, and vice versa, as a head cannot live without the body, and vice versa. Not long ago, in preparation for confession, I realized the significance of my sins in relation to my marriage. I received a great deal of spiritual insight considering the sins I commit in this respect are particularly relevant to my relationship with Christ. I could go on and on about this, but let me add that there are plenty of modern writers who are “unpacking” this theology from John Paul II every day. In fact, I think it was George Weigel who said the implications of John Paul II’s teachings will impact the Church for the rest of the millennium and beyond.
Considering the question above, I would recommend more modern writers and scholars on this issue. I recommend an article written by one of my favorite Theology of the Body teachers – Katrina Zeno. While living a single life, she wrote an article that gives an excellent discussion of what she calls “Spiritual Priesthood” as the calling for all men, and “Spiritual Motherhood” as the calling for all women. She also addresses the true understanding of “virginity” (so beautifully personified in The Blessed Virgin Mary.) Though Katrina is addressing life as a single person, this article is very enlightening for life inside marriage. (John Paul II Theology of the Body is really for everyone, in all vocations and walks of life.) Below is an excerpt:
I never thought about spiritual fruitfulness until God crashed in on a romantic relationship of mine. As I was driving to meet my date one day, the Holy Spirit said to me: “Pray to convert your romantic love into a maternal love.” I’m embarrassed to say my first response was “No way!” But I soon yielded to the Spirit and began praying. Still, I had to ask myself, what is a maternal love?
A couple of weeks later, the answer came to me: A maternal love is the way I love my son, Michael; it’s constant, unconditional, and doesn’t expect my emotional needs to be met in return. I didn’t realize it at the time, but the Holy Spirit was preparing the ground for the most important concept of my single, feminine life: spiritual motherhood. It was only when I read the pope’s “Letter to Women” and “On the Dignity and Vocation of Women” that I realized what I was doing had a name. It was called spiritual motherhood, and it meant nurturing the emotional, moral, cultural, and spiritual lives of others.
For every single woman, spiritual motherhood reveals the meaning of her virginal life. Women can be spiritual mothers anywhere – in the office, at the grocery store, on the subway, with their nieces and nephews, with the church youth group, or on the phone. When I teach confirmation, I’m nurturing the spiritual life of young people. When I listen to a friend who’s in tears because her preschool sons refuse to obey, I’m helping to replenish her emotional reservoir.
Does the world see and recognize my spiritual motherhood? Is there a flashing neon sign that alerts others to what I am doing so they can pat me on the back? No. The hardest part about spiritual motherhood is the hardest part about biological motherhood: It’s hidden. It doesn’t pay the bills. It won’t win an Academy Award. But our world is dying emotionally, morally, culturally, and spiritually because many women have sloughed off maternity in favor of more visible masculine traits. Without realizing it, we’ve traded fruitfulness for productivity, basing our identity on our professional status rather than on the fruitfulness of our lives.
And what about single men? How are they called to live this fruitful, virginal union? In a word, priesthood. Now most people’s first reaction is to think of ordained priesthood, but I’m referring to spiritual priesthood. Just as every woman is called to express her virginal fruitfulness through spiritual motherhood, so every man is called to express his virginal fruitfulness through spiritual priesthood.
While priesthood is certainly pastoral in nature, its root goes much deeper. It’s the offering of one’s life so others can draw closer to God. This is what Adam failed to do in the garden: By not intervening on Eve’s behalf in the face of evil, he failed to exercise his male priesthood. As a result, priesthood became ritualized in the Old Testament through the sacrificial system whose purpose was to purify Israel of sin and its effects. Whereas in the beginning, priesthood was the prerogative of every man, with sin and the establishment of the Levitical priesthood, it became the domain of a restricted few.
Jesus’ death on the cross and His institution of the Eucharist forever changed the mission of men. Hebrews 10:5 says of Christ, “Sacrifice and sin offering you did not desire, but a body you have prepared for me.” In order to fulfill His priestly mission, Jesus had to have a body. Priesthood, even spiritual priesthood, is incarnational. It requires the offering of one’s body to purify the world of sin and its effects.
How can single men be spiritual priests in their daily lives? When they resist the temptation to look at pornography or to give in to self-stimulation, they’re being priestly. When men carry out their work with integrity and don’t cut corners even if they can get away with it, they’re being priestly. When men pray daily and build brotherhood with other men, they’re being priestly. Turning back the culture of death and building a culture of life isn’t just the responsibility of the clergy; it’s the responsibility of every spiritual priest. On the cross and in the Eucharist, Jesus offers His life for one reason: so that we can live in union with God. That’s the commission of every spiritual priest – to transform society and culture from within so that the very way society organizes itself leads others to union with God.
We’re back to that word again – union. If we’re living as spiritual mothers who nurture the emotional, moral, cultural, and spiritual lives of others and as spiritual priests who lay down their lives for the sanctification of the world, then the whole movement of our lives is toward union – with God, with others, and between body and soul. We begin to see virginity not as a state to be lost but as a spiritual quality to be preserved. Virginity is being totally available for union with God, and that union bursts forth into the world with supernatural fruitfulness.
For once in my life, I have nothing to add to this. Enough said.
