A sunrise, a sunset. A car arriving, a train leaving. A mountain peak, a distant shoreline. What, you may ask, do all of these things have in common? In every case, our eyes are set on the horizon, that place in the distance where all things past and future meet.
As I look back on the horizon of this last year, and look forward to the horizon of this upcoming year, my heart is filled with both gratitude and anticipation for what I have received and for what is still in store for me. Looking back I am so grateful for all the lessons I’ve learned in this past year: lessons of self discovery, what it means to sincerely give and humbly receive, and how to forgive others and myself. I’ve discovered what it means to truly love, and what it means to BE. I’ve learned that it is possible for deep suffering and even deeper joy to be present at the same time, and that this deep joy can sustain us in the midst of unbelievable struggles, heal broken hearts, and help us to surmount the greatest trials.
Looking forward, even more fills my mind and heart, especially when I look toward the distant mountain peak of this next summer, and the possibility of making my first promises with the Consecrated Women of Regnum Christi. It suddenly seems so close, and yet I know I still have a ways to go until that moment, and so I want to spend every minute until then deepening in my love for Christ and my understanding of what it means to love him totally through the evangelical counsels of poverty, chastity, and obedience. Whenever I think about this beautiful gift of total consecration, I still get the chills and am overcome with awe. It continues to boggle my mind, “Why me?!? Why in the world would God call me, when there are so many others who, in my opinion, are much more qualified?” Unfortunately, Christ didn’t ask for my opinion before he called me. And that’s ok, because I realize now it’s not really about me anyways. It’s about him: HE is the divine initiator, the great gift giver, the ever persistent Lover, and the One who created me with all of my qualities, defects, talents and imperfections, for a purpose. If that same God chooses to call me to this mysterious and incredible vocation of total consecration, then what else can I do but let go of everything that holds me down, and let myself be led to the beautiful horizon where his hand is stretched out to me, waiting for me.
We all need horizons. We all need to look forward toward the incredible plan that still waits for us. For me, that horizon that I look toward is Christ, that horizon is Heaven. And so, no matter what storms batter me or how many voices try to distract me, it is on that horizon I will keep my eyes fixed. Where are your eyes fixed? What is your horizon?
