The Letter and a Healed Heart

“Well she did it! “She wrote the letter!”  The woman sitting across from me looked at me with a strange mixture of joyful excitement and yet with eyes that still beheld some type of unspoken sadness.  At first I just looked at her, trying to decipher who ‘she’ was and the action that enshrined such a variety of expressions.  Then came the light, I knew the history behind it. I had been giving spiritual direction to the mother for some time.  ‘She’ was her 15 year old daughter.  For years no one knew what was happening to her when they were visiting relatives.   But, one day, years later, she told her mother that when she was still a little girl she was repeatedly abused by her grandfather.   About a year after opening up to her mom, she wrote the letter of forgiveness to her grandfather. 

Forgiveness is an audacious human act.  It is something that seems to scrape out every crusted layer of resentment in the recesses of our heart.  But this action of forgiveness allows a beautiful seed of love to be sown.  This love which seems to surpass all human justice and righteousness sprouts forth a new chute of endless possibilities.  New life begins in forgiving.  True forgiveness and unconditional love are like a spring which gives life to even more virtues.  Only Christ loves completely and without any conditions.  However life gives us bountiful opportunities of offering a love that is not bound by the condition of receiving love.     

What about all those storms that life brings?  Weathering some storms seems life threatening.  It seems the storm will destroy us completely or at least leave us with some severe growth damage!  Where is Christ?    

“We may have been wounded by what is known as original sin, but we are healed by our original blessing.  The original blessing, the unconditional love of God, was present in God’s mind and heart long before our conception.  It touches us from before our beginnings until after our deaths.  It embraces us forever.  Each of us is “a blessed one.” That is our primary identity.

“Every time we take bread, bless it, break it, and give it, we summarize the whole movement of Divine Love.  Jesus also takes (chooses) us, blesses us, breaks us with all our undeserved suffering, and gives us for others.  Before we are broken we are blessed.  We are not broken because of fault but because we are blessed sons and daughters, like Jesus.  Our brokenness allows us to be given in solidarity with all others in the world, just as bread is broken and given to many.  We constantly see Jesus doing this: he takes, he blesses, he breaks and he gives.  That’s what he does.  Let us not forget that.  Like Jesus, we also are taken, blest, broken and given, because, like Jesus, we are beloved sons and daughters from our beginning”.  (From Fear to Love, Henri J. M. Nouwen, p.1-2)           

 It is hard to comprehend that Christ stands in the very mist of misery, in the raw core of sin.  He does not will it, but allows it.  Perhaps the storm does leave some permanent damage on a plant but maybe that damage is needed in order to fulfill its mission on earth.  One cannot build up a skyscraper on a damaged foundation.  But once one recognizes the damage and repairs it, a new colossal structure can now come into existence.  The depth of repair is greater than the first foundation.    

“In the light of Divine Love, we are encouraged to enter into our deepest hearts, often hidden even to ourselves.  There we actually touch God’s light, and discover more and more our desire for that presence within.  It’s where we experience God saying, “I love you so deeply.  I want to be present to you in all your ‘lost’ places so you will know not just your lostness but also in how many places I long to find you”…

“When you’re in touch with your dissipation and resentment, you’re in touch with the very places that God waits to touch in you more deeply, and to heal you.” (Ibid, p.4) 

Maybe it means I need to ask for forgiveness when I have been wronged or repairing something I didn’t destroy.  Love when I have been hurt.  Making peace where I have been under attack.  Understanding when I have been completely misunderstood.  What fathoms of love does the human heart contain that will never be unleashed until forced and cornered into new, perhaps even unthinkable realms?  What will the heart decide to do?  Freedom silently waits for a response.  Sometimes reason has nowhere to go but upward, to faith, to God, to the Cross.  To the man hanging on the cross looking down at me. Walk slowly if you have to but walk.  Walk in the direction of faith.  Walk in the direction of trust.  Walk in the direction of love.  No big expectations, no unrealistic hopes.  But yes, we do hope!  Hope against all hope!  Love despite the passions of hate or anger!  To believe in a plan outside your own plans.  Believe in Divine Love, “you’re in touch with the very places that God waits to touch in you more deeply, and to heal you” (ibid)

Mysteriously, God wishes us to walk those unexpected paths of love in order to learn how to model our hearts after him.  We have all suffered the weaknesses of others, the sins of others.  We are called not to be succumbed by those failings or our own failings.  We are called to rise above them.  Although we experience the profuse ugliness and darkness of sin, we can still rise to heights of peace and forgiveness.  After all, isn’t this what Christ did for us?   Christ has redeemed ALL men from ALL sin.  

How do we write our own letter?  How do we “live out” the letter?  It can be accomplished in a multitude of ways but true forgiveness requires constant effort even after the act of forgiveness is completed.  That is only the first step.  Although offenses and sin may leave permanent scars on the heart, our hearts needs to continue to respond with love.  This is how Christ responded to our offenses against Him.  Christ appeared to Thomas with His wounds.  Although he didn’t have to keep those wounds, He chose to do so.  This is a sign of permanent love, not permanent damage. 

The Spirit of Jesus Christ is the power of forgiveness. He is the power of Divine Mercy. He makes it possible to start all over again – ever anew. The friendship of Jesus Christ is the friendship of the One who makes us people who forgive, the One who also forgives us, raises us ceaselessly from our weakness and in this very way educates us, instills in us an awareness of the inner duty of love, of the duty to respond with our faithfulness to his trust. In the Gospel passage for today we also heard the story of the Apostle Thomas’ encounter with the Risen Lord:  the Apostle is permitted to touch his wounds and thereby recognizes him – over and above the human identity of Jesus of Nazareth, Thomas recognizes him in his true and deepest identity:  “My Lord and my God!” (Jn 20: 28). The Lord took his wounds with him to eternity. He is a wounded God; he let himself be injured through his love for us. His wounds are a sign for us that he understands and allows himself to be wounded out of love for us. These wounds of his:  how tangible they are to us in the history of our time! Indeed, time and again he allows himself to be wounded for our sake. What certainty of his mercy, what consolation do his wounds mean for us! And what security they give us regarding his identity:  “My Lord and my God!”. And what a duty they are for us, the duty to allow ourselves in turn to be wounded for him! (Benedict XVI, Homily, April 15, 2007)

“Some may say that the Regnum Christi Movement has suffered a type of abuse.  At the least it may feel like this.  I would like to say my letter has been written and perhaps it has been written.  But, has it been lived?  As long as the heart is still beating and the lungs still taking in breath, this letter will need to be lived out in the daily circumstances of life.  The girl who wrote the letter, she is presently still in high school and already her young heart has had to suffer so much!  However, she chose love, she chose forgiveness as a response.  Therefore, I believe, her heart has expanded greatly and has grown beyond what most people will do in their life time.  In an interior world where freedom has been tossed about by pain, emotions and confusion, her will opted for love.  It was a Christ like action of unconditional love. The maturity in her reasoning and decision is overwhelming, admirable and revealing.  But the most profound beauty will be the new seed that is planted in her heart because of this option.                        

 The story of the girl who wrote the letter is real and the consequences of that past will always be a part of her.  But this wound is not open, it is healed.  It has reached a new level of existence.  Our life needs to reach a new level of existence.  Each one of us has wounds.  Each one of us will need to write our own letter.  Each one of us will need to live out the contents of that letter.  We are called to take that inner struggle and let it become the place where we will touch the wounds of Christ and let Him touch ours.  This will then become the place of a blessing, of an intimate encounter with Christ, the blessing of being loved unconditionally by Christ.  As St. Paul preaches:  “nothing can separate me from the love of Christ…”  Nothing!!!  Live your letter.

About Jill Preisack

Jill Preisack was born in St. Louis, Missouri and received a Bachelor of Science degree at Truman State University (formerly called Northeast Missouri State University). While working in business and mortgage services, she discovered her calling to the consecrated life in Regnum Christi. Jill has been consecrated for 20 years and since then she has completed a Master’s degree from the John Paul II Institute on Marriage and the Family in Rome and a bachelor’s degree in Education from Anahuac University in Mexico. She is currently finishing her degree in Pastoral Work and Religious Studies. Over the years, Jill has worked extensively with girls and young women, giving spiritual guidance, directing retreats, camps, conventions, missions and outreach activities. She arrives to Chicago from Atlanta where she worked in campus ministry at Holy Spirit Preparatory School for the past eight years, overseeing the faith and sacramental formation for students, teachers and parents. She is currently working at Mater Ecclesiae College in Greenville, RI
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2 Responses to The Letter and a Healed Heart

  1. Randal High says:

    I hope you discovered the Valentine’s concept for creating a card box and cards helpful. Creating a Valentine Day Card is really a craft the whole family can enjoy as well as sitting together with your family at a Valentine Day dinner.To learn a lot more cost-saving and helpful party planning tips, recipes, including the cheddar cheese crisps and beer can chicken, along with other menu ideas and party d?cor ideas, simply take a look at Budget Bash – Simply Fabulous Events on a Budget.

  2. Ally says:

    The thing that makes this holiday so wonderful is the warmth of good spirits. The problem is that we should all be this way, all the time. Why wait for christmas to spread good cheer, in a world that is so close to destroying itself. Instead of tripping over each other to look like the better man, why don’t we treat each other as the better man? The christmas season has been entrenched with myth and legend and pagan practices to numerous of which to mention. One could, and probably have written a book on it. The christmas tree story itself is a ritual. St. Nick was a real man whose generosity and magnanimity won him a spot as Santa; but I think that if he were alive he would be appalled at what this world has done with him. I don’t think Jesus hates this holiday, but it defeats the purpose to which he has called us. We need to be willing to have this christmas spirit all year long. Gods will on earth is what we should be concerned with, not a mad rush for gifts and celebration.

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